10 Lessons I learned in 2021

Oof. This is going to be a long one. Grab a cup of coffee/tea and maybe a snack, before you get into the read. Or you can skip it. I won't be offended at all, because my brain goes about a thousand miles an hour and my fingers can really draaaag on the typing.

Oh. You're staying? Suit yourself.

I really waited to write this on New Year's Day, because I felt like the last hour of 2021 still had something to teach me. Spending the evening alone due to isolation gave me a lot of time to think and reflect. I had a lot of highs and lows this year, and with a grateful heart, I made myself proud for accomplishing my achievements, and I was humbled by all the stumbling I did and the consequences that resulted from poor choices. Regardless, it was a good year! I had a lot of fun growing and learning, so I'd love to share what I've learned.

Oh, and if you're family, and it gets explicit(sex or cusswords), just pretend we're not related whilst reading that sentence. Kay? Please and thank you!

1. Save and invest your RESOURCES.

I feel like I'm spitting out old news here, because I wrote about learning to save your money as a young adult, recently. If you'd like to give it a read, please click here!

Money isn't the only resource you have though. Your sleep is a resource. Your energy is a resource. Your attention is a resource.. and so on and so forth. Of all the resources one can have, I find that TIME is the most expensive to spend.

Everyone has the same 24 hours. How we spend that time is what makes us different from one another. And in the day and age of innovative apps and technology, I found that many of us can fall victim to the diversions these offer. Sometimes, too many options and pleasures can be paralyzing. Don't get me wrong, because it's considered a great tool to learn from others who offer useful information, like finances, photography, attitude development, studying techniques, and more. But it's a steep cliff to look over, and you may fall in if you don't have the necessary tools or resources to manage our human tendency of satisfying instant gratification. Heh. Let's not spoil ourselves too much now.

Your energy and attention are also resources that are expensive to spend. For someone who gets easily distracted, but also cares too much about things that aren't always necessary, I find that these are the resources that I spend a lot of. I often find myself staying up til 4 or 5 AM, carelessly thinking about the what if's and spending time on TikTok and Instagram.. or sometimes this blog haha. And sometimes I also find myself stuck on people, or a problem to solve, or an issue that won't budge unless I take a step back and try to see it in a different perspective. Both situations could have been avoided, but I didn't know any better.. or I did, but again, I didn't really listen to my Mom's advice. That's on me, whoops.

Sometimes you can indulge yourself in one or two, more than the others. It takes practice, and methods are different for everyone, but I find that if you start with time management, daily check ins, and the determination to succeed, you're going to do well with saving these resources.

When you have more of these resources saved, you can then put them to good use! I think that's what I meant by investing your resources. Take this as an opportunity to learn new things, like actually investing your money or learning a new skill, like coding or data analytics. There are so many websites on the internet that allow you to learn these skills for free, like Google Career Certificates. On the other hand, you can simmer down and take better care of yourself by reading, journaling, or creating a more extensive night routine that not only relaxes you, but also enriches your mind, body, and soul. I find this fulfilling because it allows you to get to know yourself and explore other things you may be passionate about.. which leads me to my next point.

2. Your hopes and dreams are possible.

If there's one thing that this pandemic has taught me is that the traditional socio-economic construct that the baby boomers have set up isn't the most reliable model to base your plans for your future life. A traditional university degree no longer guarantees you a reliable source of income. If you are curious about discovering another passion in life that gives you an opportunity to grow, then go for it.

For a while, I always thought about a career that way. Can't really blame my family for having a mindset of tradition, when all they know is that their degree and years of hard work is what brought them success. However, it doesn't always have to be that way. If you want to be a Social Media Marketing Manager, go for it. Take the classes, talk to people who are already in the field, and look for internships where you can shadow their work! If you want to start and develop your own accessory/jewelry line, then get your creative juices flowing and get your butt to the craft store! My friends Elisa and Regina did it with Stitch Sisters and Mahika Koleksyon. You can see people of all ages pursue careers like nursing, law, and culinary arts after years of working a regular 9-5. Why? Pursuing something that you're passionate about and gives you purpose is so fulfilling, that it won't even feel like work when you're there. I experienced that first hand when I worked my first shift at the nail spa I work at. Because at the end of the day, and at the end of your life, you're the only who gets to look back at life and ask yourself "did I really live life that full? or did I just do what I had to do because that was what was required?"

There's so much regret lined up to follow the concept of "it's too late." When in reality, time, opportunity... life is what you make it. If you have really strict traditional asian parents that you're scared of, please don't see them as an obstacle that's too big to face. I think they just want what's best for you, and they want you to be comfortable. Show them a game plan and your intent that you don't want what is comfortable; that you want more. My parents are pretty cool even if they're kind of strict, but that's how I showed them that I really wanted to pursue esthetics. And they really saw my work ethic and study habits mature when I started my program. I was able to convince them with a change of attitude and the accomplishment of short-term goals that I outlined in my game plan. There will always be a way. Those who really want it will show up. Those who can't be bothered will make excuses.

3. Show up. And then, "show out."

I once read that "showing up is 80% of the battle." I used to doubt that statement a lot, until I put it into practice during my Esthetics Program.

I was being bullied by a few of the students there, and they made everyday a day where I doubted myself. It was horrible, it was like hell. I won't go into detail about who they are and what they did, but they made me not want to go to school and quit my program at one point... even if I was about a couple months away from completing it. It was so hard, and some days I didn't go to school. I said that I was taking a "mental health day." That wasn't true. I was terrified of going to school when they were there, but I pushed myself to show up, even if I didn't have the mental or emotional capacity to do so, because I had to show up for me.

Once I was able to get myself out of bed, I had to remind myself to "show out," which meant doing the best that I could on that day. Not only does it fulfill other people who may see you pull through a tough time, more importantly, you impress yourself, because you still did it. You didn't think you were strong enough, but you are. You always are. My mom always told me that if I knew I did my very best, then I did a good job. Love you, Mom! You're the best!

Same principle could be applied to working out, too. You're not always motivated to work out everyday. Building the habit of working out is just as important as the workouts that you do. And even if you don't feel like working out, all you really need is 5 minutes that day. Show up for 5 minutes, and go ham and do your best. You'll always feel good about yourself after, because you didn't skip a day, and I have never heard of anyone who didn't feel better after a workout.

4. Make time and "make it happen" for your loved ones.

There isn't really much I can say about this point. My family and friends are so important to me. I would say family comes first, then friends second(because in reality, the only friends I have, I really do treat like family), but essentially they're the same. And I made them a priority, because when I moved back in to my parents' place and decided to re-join society after a lovesick escapade, I made a decision to have a relationship with my family and friends. And when you decide to do that, everything else that they may have done to you (that is not pleasant) becomes secondary.

If the pandemic has reinforced anything, it is that time is so expensive to spend. And even if we all have the same 24 hours in a day, not everyone has the same timeline.

So don't just just tell your family and friends that you love them. Show them, even if it's just the little things. Actually, fuck that. Especially the little things. You don't need grand gestures to show that you love someone. Check in on your friends, text them an "i love you" or an "i got you," or leave a note for your parents when you do stuff for them so the know why you did it. I don't know, you're on the fucking internet. Pinterest that shit. Those little things mean a lot, and can be small stepping stones to rebuild or strengthen your relationship with them.

5. Allow others to be kind to you.

I once hung out with a friend(which I totally thought was a date, but fuck was I mistaken). We went for ramen, a drive, and some coffee. We spent a lot of time talking, and I tried hard to be real but also confident as hell. The thing is, I tried really hard to show that I was this badass, independent bitch, but it just showed how high my walls were built and how defensive I was. Every single time he paid for my meal or my coffee, or showed me any kind of kindness, I was uncomfortable, and you can see it. Even when he offered to pick me up from my house, I was saying things like "I'm breaking my rules letting you do this," or rolling my eyes and half-jokingly saying "I hate you," when he opened doors for me.

He pointed out that I shouldn't be denying myself that kindness. He actually made me promise that I'm going to allow other people to be nice to me, just because they want to be. And I did, because I realized that what he was saying is true. Despite a history of assholes and douchebags, both men and women alike, there are people who genuinely are just kind and want to show you kindness. There are people that firmly believe that not all humans are dumb and careless.

And you deserve that kind of treatment, too. So, allow them to be kind to you. Because not everyone has a hidden agenda. And shit, if there is a hidden agenda, they won't prosper. Karma will most likely get their ass one day.

6. Don't chase after other people. Pursue YOU.

This one's rant-y, but it's important. Let's use romantic relationships as an introductory example.

At the beginning of December, I dropped/broke up with/ghosted all of my sneaky links/prospective dates/whatever the fuck you call them. I was getting tired of the one-sided pursuits, and the effort-less(not in a good way) conversations that I was having. My mind wasn't being enriched, my soul wasn't being fulfilled, they were all emotionally unavailable, and I was just looking like a desperate bitch.

And the same went for former friends too(friends that I have not reconnected with this year. So no, Jaya, this is not you! ily, b). I was still holding on to people that dropped me and were treating me poorly, because I had this incessant need to look for the good in other people. They don't care about you. If they truly loved you, or wanted to spend time with you, or want to have a relationship with you, they wouldn't treat you like shit. They wouldn't treat you like the last piece of pizza in the pizza box. You would not be an afterthought. They wouldn't be just contacting you for a quick fuck in their car. They wouldn't be asking other people about you, instead of asking you directly. They showed you who they are and who they are going to be, because you can't change them. Don't let them tell you twice. It just is what it is.

Tough love, sorry. There's no other way to call it out.

The only person in your life that is permanent is yourself. Just you. And if you don't have your own back, or if you're not making moves to make sure you're thriving and prospering, then no one will. Pursue YOU. Pursue YOURSELF. Go after what is good for you. Stop wasting your time wanting to make things work with these people, when they don't want to make it work with you. Don't chase after people who do not want to see you prosper. You aren't a priority to them. You're not even in the top 20 of their list. You're literally in the back left corner of their mind, collecting dust and cobwebs. At the end of the day, all these fuckers can do is watch and maybe try to get in on your success after YOU put in the work.

A couple weeks after making that decision, I started focusing on my career, and showing improvement in my work and my sense of self, either on social media or by word of mouth, the asshats came crawling back(or lurking, whichever). Focus all of your energy on YOU, on developing your craft, on nourishing your body, on fulfilling your soul. Focus on how you treat others and how you can make that better. Put all of that wasted energy into finding what makes you happy, what makes you a better person, what fulfills you.

End of the day, what's yours will be yours. You will only attract happiness and goodness when you radiate it from within. All that time and energy used on you will produce so much more for yourself, compared to channeling it into an empty void.. or a void that loves absorbing that attention lmao. So focus on you, and kick ass at everything you do!

7. Forgive.

I'm kicking myself in the butt right now, because I just went on a somewhat-slanderous rant on the last point that I gave. I clearly still have some feelings that I'm holding close to my heart that I can't seem to let go of. It happens. But yes, forgiveness.

Sometimes you just have to learn to let shit go.

Sometimes people who wrong you don't know what they did, even if you draw them a map where X marks the spot, and the X is on their forehead. Not even if you wrote them a list with three bullet point explanations of why they hurt you. Sometimes, there are just people that enjoy hurting other people. Sadly, that's true. But that's their truth, not yours.

Let it go.

End of the day, it has nothing to do with you. It only gives you the opportunity to harbour anger and hate, and that stuff festers and it gets ugly. No one wants an ugly you. Shit, your momma don't want an ugly you. Your family raised you better than that.

And don't make the mistake to forgive them, and then text them that you forgave them. I did that. That's wrong. It does nothing for you, because you're forgiving them to get a reaction out of them. You're not forgiving them for the real reason why people forgive. Peace. Forgiveness gives you peace.

There is so much good and peace to be had when you learn to let shit go and you stop caring. It is so satisfying to see your own growth that way, because you're not constantly looking back at those who are being left behind. Go on and prosper, bitch.

8. Be honest, and make peace with your shortcomings.

Contrary to popular belief, we're allowed to make mistakes. Sometimes, we don't know any better. Sometimes, we think we're doing the right thing. Sometimes, we're little pricks and do it on purpose, because it felt good at the time.

We're human. It happens.

What I didn't like that I did this year was running away from my problems, and not listening to people for calling me out, cause I refused to be wrong. I was a coward. When I was struggling through this lesson, I had originally thought that if I admitted that I was wrong, then everyone else who wanted to see me fall would win. That's fucked. I didn't realize that there was so much growth to be had from just admitting that you felt short. That doesn't include the work you put into making things right.

If you're like me, someone who's very hard on themselves in all forms, it's difficult to do that. The reason why is because, like my mom, I try really hard to consider all avenues so I don't hurt other people or fuck things up in general. But Murphy's Law is a thing. Shit happens. What's important is that you do admit your inadequacies to allow for some healing, and figure out how you can make things better. And in the random case that it just isn't for you, learn to accept that certain concepts and constructs in life are just meant for other people.

But yeah, stop being a pussy, put your big girl panties on, admit you did not understand the assignment, and learn to thrive with that information.

9. Balance.

I'm a workaholic. I get it from my very hardworking parents. And in the last few months of 2021, I was always either at school and work, or just work(working three different jobs), 7 days a week. I was very much so "hustlin'."

Stop, don't do that.

Balance in your life, in all aspects, is so important for a healthy you. You need your own space in romantic relationships. You need family time after a long day at work to recharge. You also need days to yourself to rest from the chaos of work and the outside world. But it can't always be alone time. It can't always be "please love me and fuck me" time. It can't always be "it's grind time, baby." That leads to burn out. And burn out sucks, because it'll come to a point where you just don't care anymore. I came to that point and I hated it so much because I had no room or energy to deal with anything.

Make sure you give yourself enough time for all aspects in your life that are important to you. You'll thank yourself later.

10. Be kind to yourself.

It's normal to be super critical of ourselves. It shows that you care, that you think better of yourself, and that you just want to do a good job. However, sometimes the self-criticism can be really cruel. And you need to stop doing that. Stop being hard on yourself.

You're human. You're learning. You're growing.

The kindness that you strive to achieve when you're treating others should also be applied to yourself. You can't love yourself if you're always beating yourself up. Treat yourself with more kindness than usual so you learn to like yourself, and it turn, it allows you to treat yourself better. You are then able to learn and affirm what you deserve and what you don't.

I found that when I started being kinder to myself when it came to speaking about me, my dreams, my achievements, and how i saw myself in the mirror, I started losing weight and I looked less tired. I looked happier. I ate better, because I wanted to be good to my body. I started drinking more water, because I wanted "me" to be healthier. I started speaking affirmations and showing myself positivity to stop myself falling into this pit of pessimism that I grew accustomed to. Life changed a ton when I had that paradigm shift. And it's difficult to explain or convince other people why it's such a good thing to do for yourself, because it's like you flipped a switch in your brain. Yeah, some days are hard, but push through and keep at it. The fruits of your labour of love are so worth it.

So be kind to YOU. You deserve the "above and beyond."

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I had a real hard time completing this post. I took a lot of shower breaks, snack breaks, nail breaks, and naps. For some reason, I was discouraged by the thought of people not reading, either because it was too crass or too simple. But I had to "show up, and show out" for myself and do this for me. It gives me the opportunity to look back at this post and see how far I've come, and for that alone, I am grateful.

I hope you were able to find the silver lining of 2021 and the current pandemic. It's difficult to do, but it only gets better. And if you think that it's rock bottom that you've hit, then you can only really go onward and up!

I believe in you! Stay Bueno :)

xx, Czari <3