Tadhana

[noun] destiny, fate, **an invisible force that makes things happen beyond the control of mortals.

**credits to Pinterest for a definition that's fantasmical.

Hi! It's lovely to see you again! Heh.

I.. have been away for quite some time. And it doesn't make sense because the last time I was here I promised that I would be here more often. I apologize with the entirety of my being. That was dramatic, but I meant it.

However, when I finished that post, I was at a crossroads and had big life decisions that I had to make without the influence of the internet. As some of you may know, I am a big people pleaser, and I used to heavily rely on validation from loved ones about my actions and how my self worth was measured..

On Tuesday, October 27th, 2020, I handed in my application to the Esthetics Program at The Salon Professional Academy in my city. This was also the day I made the decision to drop out of university.. cold turkey. Not even finishing the courses I was enrolled in and just quitting a Genetics degree. Let's just say my parents were extremely unhappy.

I grew up in theatre and had always been enamoured by the transformation process of how an actor can go from "person" to "character." However, I was more distracted by the glitz and the glamour of fame and stardom as a child. As I grew older, and felt less of a need to be the centre of attention, I became partial to the glam and prosthetics side of theatre. Thinking I would love to pursue that career after high school, I informed my parents that I would like to pursue esthetics or makeup artistry, but they shut the idea down because they didn't think it was a "practical career." Of course, at that point, it was 2012. We had only moved to Canada about a year prior. Much of traditional Filipino culture and the mindset of practicality was still ingrained in their way of thinking and perception of the world, so I couldn't really blame them for their lack of support. It's all they knew, and I knew they were looking out for me, and they only wanted what was best for me. Nonetheless, I settled to follow my parents' wishes and just finish any degree and pursue makeup or esthetics after I finished that.

So I went to university for 7 years, which included family breakdowns, me running away, and a whole slew of other deep cutting traumas. It was insufferable. What kept me going through the sleepless nights of studying and crying was watching beauty, lash, nail, and waxing videos in the background while I was reading up on topics like Glycolysis, Recruitment and Selection, and Balance Sheets. No matter what it was I did or read, I always day-dreamed about blending eyeshadow, filing claws and talons(heh. nail reference), and ripping hair off of people's bodies.. odd, but industry appropriate lol.

Enough of the boo-hoo sad story. haha. This is supposed to be a happy one :)

I dropped off my application and paid an application fee that was worth about 15 hours of my part-time wages, and instantly the weight on my chest didn't exist anymore. Again, the dramatics, but as soon as I got settled in my car, I genuinely felt like I was lighter. The sunlight through the winter clouds felt brighter. I don't know if I was high off of nicotine, or just high off of life. All I knew was that I finally made a decision that pursued my happiness, and not making moves jut for the enjoyment and pride of other people.

The way the program works is you spend 2 months at home and in the classroom learning Nail Technology(this includes nail theory, business and conduct foundations, and practical learning). Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, we spent at home, on zoom. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, we would be at school, getting practical training for Manicures, Pedicures, and Artificial Nail Enhancements.

I thought I would hate working with feet, but pedicures are really fun.

I looooved doing artificial nail enhancements. The french portion of it is tricky, but getting a beautiful smile line is extremely satisfying.

I found gel nail enhancements to be tricky, but with enough practice, I learned to love it.

Once those two months were completed, you're on the floor for a week to get a feel of the salon/spa that you will be working in for the rest of the program. That week made me feel like fresh meat, with vultures circling above me. I was terrified. It did give me time to study for my Nail Tech Test. After you take your Unit 1 Exam for Nail Technology, you are back on zoom, at home, for two weeks straight to learn about Skin Technology theory. After learning your Skin Technology theory, you're back on the floor to reintroduce yourself to the environment for a week before you take your Unit 1 Exam for Skin Technology... Confusing, I know. I hope you're with me still haha.

After you complete Unit 1 Exams for both portions of the program, you start taking clients for the things you learned. At this point, I only had practical training for Nail Tech stuff, so all I did was manicures, pedicures, and artificial nail enhancements. I started Skin Tech practical training the week after, on alternating days, in the afternoons.

We spent 3 weeks on makeup, 2 weeks on hair removal by waxing and sugaring, 1 week on brow and lash tinting and lamination, 2 weeks on classic lash extensions, 2 weeks on body treatments, 3 weeks on facial treatments, and about 2 weeks on relaxation and hot stone massage.

I took a few photos so please enjoy the next bit of pictures of my time at TSPA!

My first evening look. I loved pushing boundaries when it came to colour combinations.

First SFX learning session. I really enjoyed blending colours with cream makeup to make bruises. To the left is an older, healing bruise. To the right is a fresher, bluer bruise.. or an infection of flesh eating bacteria. Take your pick :)

On day 2 of SFX, we learned how to use scar wax to make cuts and other raised facial characters. Fake blood was fun to work with, but this cut I made just looked like a bloody vagina. Not my best work, but it apparently was good for my first time.

On the last day of SFX, my teacher challenged me to utilize a variety of colours and mediums to make something gross. I was extra and overdid it. On this pus-filled nose, I used Liquid latex and used dryer sheets to create the texture of rotting tissue, cream makeup to create the colour gradient so it looked like it was rotting, fake blood.. blood--duh, and school glue with cream makeup to create the pus. I loved it. It looks gross, but it was probably my best work yet. haha.

I typically hate working with neutral colours and natural looking makeup, because I usually go big or go home when it comes to my face, but this bridal look was really pretty and fun to come up with.

I named my creepy fake practice hands. Very Karen-ish. These were also great when it came to practicing artificial nail enhancements.

An acrylic fill I did on Amanda! I loved using the Fufu acrylic shade from Ugly Duckling!

My first UV gel Manicure I did on Rachel. She was so patient even if I was just all nerves. I really did appreciate her guidance and all the tips and tricks that she shared.

The last set of acrylic nails I created and I did it for my hairstyling student friend, Jesi! We wanted to do a halloween look, but I ran out of time. Oops. Settled on some talons and she came out with these sick talons! Rawr XD

A set of Classic Lash Extensions for the lovely Ashlynn! I had so much fun doing these on her and she looked amazing with them fluttery lashes after! These were one of my favourite sets!

It's an 8 and a half month program, so it was a lot. After you learn theory, you're pretty much on the floor just doing all kinds of services. In the midst of all of that, there are project sheets you also have to spend time working on and completing. I also suffered a season of life where kidney stones messed with my body, but that is a story for another time. As much as it was plenty to deal with, it was also fun and fulfilling. The school is also fun as hell because we have days where we don't wear our typical scrubs, and we had spirit week for halloween.. and I gladly participated haha.

I don't have photos of all the outfits, but here are some cute-cringe selfies!

I had days where I felt burnt out, but I was always grateful that I was doing something that I loved. This time last year.. and maybe a couple of years ago, I was dreaming and hoping to be able to do esthetics... and now I'm actually doing it. I am also so so so so so grateful for the kind and uplifting people that I have met in the program. Please enjoy a slideshow of said people. This set of photos isn't all of them, but y'all know who you are. Thank you, thank you, thank you, for helping me grow!

From left to right, Mikala, Madison, Helena, Bonna, Jo, and Bri ♥

Why was this titled Tadhana again?

...

Oh right. I went from an Accounting degree, to an Accounting and Finance degree, to a Biochemistry degree, to a General Science degree, to a Genetics degree.

No matter how far I ran from what I really wanted to pursue, I somehow always found a way back to Esthetics. Even if I told myself that I couldn't disappoint the people I cared about by putting my needs and happiness ahead of theirs, every move I made led me back to what would actually make me happy. Even if destiny is somewhat of a controversial topic, I firmly believe that this was fate. And it only affirms that what is yours will be yours, no matter what it is you do.

I also want to say that it is never selfish to pursue your desires for your life. It is never selfish to pursue your happiness. If you're not hurting anyone intentionally, do it. Gone are the days where only a university degree can guarantee a well-set future. If you have a goal you want to achieve, don't let anyone or any doubt stop you. You are only as strong and as determined as the weakest bit of your mindset. Be smart about it though. Prepare. Have a Plan A, B, C, etc. Begin with the end in mind(thanks dad for the wise words, I now hear your voice in my head when I say it out loud) and be mindful about the actions that you make, so that you can work towards the direction of making that dream happen. There's one destination, but plenty of ways to get there. Also, age should never be a hindrance. It is never too late to want to do better for yourself. It's never a race, because no one is on anyone's timeline. You'll get there at the perfect time.

Anywho, that's where I've been and what I was doing. Forgive the blogging hiatus. I'm not going to make any promises about posting consistently, but I do want to write a lot more often. After school I'll probably have some time to kill and type my musings on the internet. And if you'd like to follow the rest of my esthetics journey, please follow me on instagram at @ambervelvet.e! Thank you for your support!

I'm tired now and need a shower. Here's me in my scrubs. I'm 6 school days away from graduation!

Be Kind. Be Gracious.

Stay Bueno! ♡